Saturday, May 9, 2009

Family Dysfunctions

Today was my first Saturday off in the past four months. Of course my family decided to plan a picnic for Mother's Day and my grandmother's birthday and my fiance had to attend an out of state funeral so it was not the peaceful sleep in idylic day I had been longing for. (Ok Frag X Moms go ahead and laugh out loud at the sleep in part of that..its a given) Needless to say this left me alone with my two teens and my five year old Xman. So I recruit my mother.."If I go to this shin dig, will you help me keep an eye on Jake?" "Sure she says, I'll give you a hand as much as I can." So I've agreed to attend and she's agreed to help. Great.
Then I get a call from my uncle.."Your Mom has the flu again..and won't be coming." This phone call immediately parlays inferred guilt and really means, "she's out, are you still in?" So since I blew off the last family shin dig due to work and severe exhaustion, overly busy children and the fact that I live out in the middle of nowhere...I foolishly agree to attend sans my mother.
I suddenly want to switch bodies with my single, childless brother who lives a six hour flight away and is probably enjoying a lovely hike or a beer. But I agree to go.
Going to this event involves getting everyone up and dressed and out of the house to drop off my fiance in one town then driving 20 minutes to their bowling tournament, hanging out with my little Xman for an hour biding our time during the tournament and then driving another 30 minutes to the park for the picnic. Did I mention we live in the middle of nowhere...where cell phones don't receive messages about picnics being moved to the community center of my grandmother's assisted living facility due to a passing shower????
Arriving at the park, I see no one. I look down at my phone that does not have service at the park either and see my uncle's number as a missed call and three voice mails. THAT I CAN'T ACCESS due to lack of service! I say WTF to both myself and out loud in front of my kids. And my teens reply SERIOUSLY Mom WTF how inconsiderate they know Jake can't take all this running around. They're right. And once at the park we CANNOT leave without the promised train ride for being such a good boy waiting through all the driving to get at least that far. So my daughter takes Jake on the train, then I take Jake on the train. We watch some cool Morris Dancers in the park for a few minutes and drive off to the assisted living facility.
I call my uncle once I have cell service again. I say I didn't get the message I will be there at started at 12. I have some of the food so I feel terrible thinking everyone will be waiting because I have some of the food or that they will have already eaten so what's the point when I could have stayed at the park and had a nice Saturday with my kids.
We arrive only to find that my Aunt has been there and left to pick up my 15yr cousin from dance class two towns over and no one has eaten and everyone is waiting for her to arrive. Jake is freaking out, he has never been to this place, he rarely sees my relatives and Wallah we are stuck sitting waiting for over an hour for my aunt. Meanwhile my grandmother whose party this is has to take off in an hour to attend a 50th anniversary party!
What the holy heck! These people have seen Jake enough to know what a day like this entails for he and I. I think there should be some sort of sentence for people who pass on this lovely genetic windfall and then close their eyes, and ears and throw common sense to the wind when planning a gathering with them! Maybe they should be forced to spend one week alone with my Xman, go everywhere he goes, do everything he does, be awake when he's awake, watch the same video twenty times per day.....
Any thoughts???

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